What if it’s beyond masking? What if it’s dissociation?

Parents ask me all the time if their kid is so exhausted and temperamental because they are masking at school. For some of the kids I see, I don’t think so. This goes beyond that. It can’t be masking if a sense of self was never really established in the first place.

If masking is losing your identity to fit into society, then what of those that never got the opportunity to develop an identity? At a pivotal developmental stage in their life, emotional, academic, physical, and/or sexual abuse in the school setting formed a mental block. Existing became traumatic. We make a big deal about preventing harm, but what of those that already experienced it? Judging by the statistics, it is likely, and unless we participated, observed, or were forwarded an alarming email, we’d never know.

A kid might have thought their teacher was going to hurt or potentially kill them last year—but this year they don’t remember any of that. They might not even remember last month. Or last week. Maybe they don’t even remember yesterday. Triggering moments throughout the years become referential anchor points to ground oneself through the passage of time.

Now they are sitting at the table in the speech room, oscillating between zoning out and coming to with excessive prompting. Then they come home and are a nightmare, zoning out as they hit and yell things they might not even be aware they are yelling. It’s not masking because they are passive participants in their own lives.

I am no mental health professional, but I’m going to make a claim anyway: It is dissociation.