These Are Some of My Boundaries
Four months off social media, three months off work.
I’ve been contemplating what exactly I am going to say once I “return” this entire time. I am coming back with a bang! I am gonna speak my truth! Lay it all out there.
The first time I remember being authentically understood was when I was in eighth grade. I wrote a personal narrative about being socially ostracized at a theatre camp a previous summer. My writing got first place in the county personal narrative competition. In ninth grade I wrote a personal narrative about my body insecurities, and it got third place in the county personal narrative competition. In eleventh grade I wrote about my special interest in The Jonas Brothers providing comfort after a sexually abusive ex-boyfriend—it later went on to be publish in National Public Radio’s “This I Believe” section.
Write write write. Pour my heart out. Only after being my most vulnerable do I get people—many people—to listen to me. I am only deserving of comfort and affirmation when I am my most vulnerable.
And so I have done a lot of that. I have written and talked about really difficult things in my life. Trauma dump, but in a sincere, passionate way so that people may find some of themselves in it. Others have told me I am so strong for being so vulnerable, but I never understood that. I always felt like this is what needed to be done for people to take me seriously. But it’s not. I see that now.
I am going back to work, and many things need to change to make it sustainable—in particular, my relationship with social media. Social media really did a number on me. Personally, professionally, academically. And I am not going to trauma dump to convince others to respect the boundaries I finally learned I needed. I am going to state them, briefly explain rationale, and enforce them.
I am not going to post very frequently. The mental and emotional energy of needing to post according to the algorithm is too much for me. I can’t make every god damn post an epiphany! I can’t have an epiphany every single day! Any epiphany I did have is clouded by a traumatized, anxious haze, anyway. On the other hand, it feels ingenuine to post fluffy, soulless content. I have done it, and I hated doing it. What I will be posting is announcements of new blog posts and any course or product I have launching. Anything I write that has soul is going to be in this blog, on my website, that I pay for.
I am disabling commenting on my social media posts. No good-faith argument can be had in the comments section of a social media post. If you do want to contact me and share your thoughts (and I welcome good-faith discussion!), the link is here:
I am disabling “liking” my social media posts (at least on Instagram so far because that is the only one I figure out). It is unhealthy for me to be obsessed with analytics.
Though I will occasionally post on social media, I will not be maintaining an active social media presence including liking, commenting, or even looking at others’ posts. I trust my friends to let me know about anything noteworthy.
I appreciate the audience I have built, but I also need to keep myself safe from the audience I have built. I am excited to move forward. Boy, has my mind been buzzing. I am actually excited to do presentations and build courses and assist others on projects. I haven’t felt like that in a while.
Alrighty. That will be it, then. You’ll hear from me soon.
