Looking for Something?

I deleted my old blog posts. I do still agree with a lot of the content of what I wrote…but the feeling underneath the content feels very separate from me now. The feeling underneath all the gestalts that I used doesn’t resonate with me anymore. They came from a place of chronic panic. A place of trying so hard to heal my trauma by packaging it up neatly as accessible educational message. The message went out, but the pain continued. I got very sick. I am much better now.

I have new feelings—a whole emotion wheel full of them—and whole new gestalts that fit these feelings. Most of these feelings are completely new for me. Only over the past year have I felt fully in my body as an adult and also felt joyful, irritated, disappointed, protective, and compassionate—to name just a few. And with the full emotional range now accessible to me, language suddenly has more meaning.

I’m working on it. I’m building up my language, my gestalts, that convey my educational points from a place of compassion. So be patient with me, and be patient with my uploading of blog posts, as there is an ongoing language developmental process happening here. The chronic dysregulation stunted the development of so many parts of me.

But they are here now. I am here, now.